Why am I Here? Perhaps as a Warning

I am the son of a refugee. My father fled Poland in 1939 just days after it was invaded by Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia. Horse-drawn artillery and wooden biplanes had no chance against the mechanized forces of two world powers. He decided to flee to Romania. As fighter planes approached to strafe those fleeing, he dove into a ditch for cover. He felt the repeated thump of machine gun bullets impacting the ground. After the planes left and he felt it was safe to get up,  he arose to discover every other person in the ditch was dead. He just happened to be in the place that was between rounds.

I can't help but be a student of history, since my life is the product of it. It seems so ironic that I owe my existence to the rise of demagogue. Eighty-three years ago in Europe a man rose to power on the promise of restored national glory, renewed economic prosperity, and the defeat of foreign and domestic foes. He knew how to channel the public angst into wild-eyed devotion. Crowds were spell-bound before him. There was only one catch....enemies had to be named and destroyed. The rest is history, so to speak.

So pardon me when I sense a darkening cloud casting its shadow over our country. A demagogue has arisen who knows how to work a crowd. He has said he will "Make America Great Again".  He has blown by all boundaries of civility, all the lines that his opponents and predecessors would not dare cross. The truth of what he says does not matter. His character does not matter. That he has stiffed countless people that have worked for him does not matter. That he says outrageous things about minorities, women, and even veterans is excused as forthrightness. He has named our enemies which somehow all happen to be people of color. He has talked about mass-roundups, internment, and deportations. He has talked about the exclusion and public marking of religious groups. He has talked about legitimizing racial profiling and searches. He has talked about muzzling the press because "they say bad things" about him.

Some of us are going to vote for him because we believe in him. Some of us are going to vote for him because we despise "her". Some of us will vote for him because we are afraid. Some of us are going to vote for him because he has thrown us a bone about some issue dear to our hearts. Some of us are going to stay home because our candidate lost the primaries. Some of us will stand on principle and vote third party. We will say to ourselves, "so what if he gets elected, we will only have to put up with him for four or eight years. What have we got to lose?" Everything!

Let's not delude ourselves about constitutional limits and protections or that we are a nation of laws. Constitutions, amendments, and protections of the law operate under the assumption of  a collective good will. That if things don't go my (our) way, we will live to fight another day through the legal process and perhaps through a change of national conscience. In our past, universal suffrage and the Civil Rights struggle were able to advance in this way. In our past however, there have also been reversals:  the Japaneses internment, Communist witch-hunts, and the Kent State massacre, to name a few. It doesn't take much to throw constitutional protections out the window when it suits a collective national will. Just a little fear will do it.

So why then am I here? I very nearly was not. Perhaps I'm here as a warning. History does repeat itself.

Lost and Found

I am  an engineer who is a bit of a techno-geek. If there is one thing I hate is being lost. I like to know where I am and where I am going. So when I started using smart-phones, the map app was my favorite.  Not only could I see where I was, I could see the traffic ahead! This provided the opportunity to see problems in advance and detour around them. Knowledge is certainly power! However the information has to be correct.

Over time I began to notice that my map location was not following my true location. I also noticed that the exercise app was getting the paths and distances wrong. This was totally unacceptable.

I searched the internet to see if anyone else has had this problem. Indeed they did! It turns out that a GPS could have an accumulation of errors that might need to be cleared out. However, to do that required a GPS test app. So off to the app store I went.

I installed the GPS test app so I could clear out the errors. After  opening the app, I discovered a previously unseen world. It was fascinating. A live map showed the location of approximately 20 satellites orbiting overhead. At first the symbols were gray. One by one, the symbols changed to yellow, orange, and then green as the GPS locked on to them. When enough satellites locked, the GPS established a fix. I cleared the GPS and the location locks came much faster.

I have observed that life can be like that. Sometimes we get lost. Errors accumulate. Noise, stress, fatigue, grief, and difficulties of our journey all take their toll.  We lose our bearings. We can no longer see the "satellites" that guide us. I like to think of these "satellites" as clues to our location and direction in life. So what are these "satellites"?  Conventions. Manners. Ethics. History. Tribe. Religion. Our "spirit" or inner voice. Our conscience. Our upbringing. Our families. Consciously or subconsciously, we rely on these reference points for guidance.

Sometimes we don't know that we are lost. We have been running on auto-pilot for so long, we don't realize we have lost our way. However there may be hints. A short temper. Irritability. Depression. The need to "escape". The need for substances.

Not only do we need to know where we are, we need to know where we are going. What is the destination? Status? Wealth? Fame? Leisure?  Family life? Social life?

Once we have our destination in mind, we have to set priorities. What will it take to get there?  Is it worth the cost? Life tends to be a zero-sum endeavor. What things will we have to give up to get the things we desire? We cannot have it all.

Just like the GPS, we might have to do a reset, clear out the corrupt data, and re-establish the lock. We might need to simply rest. Take care of ourselves. We might need a spiritual retreat. We might need to work on our important relationships. We might avail ourselves of the wise counsel of friends and community. The point is that our internal guidance system has a limit. It needs to be cared for.

In the end I was able to reset my GPS and get pretty decent location locks. Then I dropped the phone and cracked the glass. No reset helps that, so I upgraded. Wow! The new phone locked instantly even if it caught a sliver of sky! In my office building however, was metal coated glass that completely block thermal and electromagnetic radiation. Inside this building, there is no GPS. There are times when you have to step outside to see to where you are.

Mom - A Son-in-Law's Memories

Mary Zissimos (Koutrompi) 1924-2016

I met my future mother-in-law Mary at an after-church social at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlour.  It was a young singles gathering, but for me it was a opportunity. You see I had my eye on a girl. Mary was there because she was riding with her daughter. Mary fit right in even though everyone around her was a generation younger.

One thing led to another and soon I married her daughter. I gained not only a wife, but a "mom" in every sense of the word. She loved me as her very own. At times I would object saying "Mom, I am just your son-in-law". No matter.  Her answer was always the same. She would tell me that I was her child in every sense except for giving birth.

I Make You Lamb
I occasionally stopped by without the family. Just because. With Mary you didn't need a reason. On one particular visit she said "l make you Lamb". It was 8 pm. I said "Mom, I ate already."  No matter. Try telling a Greek mom you aren't hungry.  So in that summer evening twilight, mom fired up the the barbecue and made me lamb chops.

Kitchen Coffee
Sometimes my father-in-law would be out when I dropped by, so Mom and I sat at the kitchen table and shared pleasant conversation. She was always encouraging. That's probably why I liked to stop by. I remember how often our conversations revolved around scripture and nearly always ended with prayer.

Forthright.
She spoke her mind. Without fear. With love. I had to learn to receive her words in that spirit. I realized later that she spoke her mind out of love. She was a warrior for reconciliation. Anyone who really knew her, knew that was her heart.

Prayer Warrior
Mom was also a prayer warrior.  To know Mary was to know she was praying for you. If you came to her for counsel, as many did, it was a certainty that you could not leave without being prayed for. If you were sick, she would anoint you with oil.

Battling Lions
When my oldest son was 5, we went to see his first Lions game. On the way out, Mom reminded us not to leave without prayer. So we prayed together and set out for the old Silverdome in Pontiac. While we waited in the cold at the outdoor ticket booths, a man asked us, "just you and your son?". I said "yes". He said here are your tickets. 12th row, 50 yard line as I recall. Perhaps she should have prayed that the Lions could actually win.

Trips with Mom
We took Mom and Dad (my father-in-law) on many trips: Mackinac, Niagara Falls, Canada's Wonderland, Marineland, Cedar Point to name a few. Mom was always agreeable. Regardless of the accommodations and food, Mom was always thankful.

In 1992 we took the entire family out West. There were six of us in packed into a minivan. While driving from Utah to Yellowstone, we had gotten lost,  so we were driving late at night on mountain roads with the only light being our headlights and animal eyeballs. Of course, Mom was in the back praying that I didn't fall asleep, drive off a cliff, or hit a buffalo. Mom's prayers were answered. At midnight we arrived safely at our destination.

Bible Study
For many years she held a bible study and prayer meeting at her house.  People came from all over to be prayed for, anointed with oil. She was an 'elder' without a title, a salary, or an office. Pastors of  churches sought her for prayer and counsel.

Mary's Gift
As I think about what Mary left behind, how her gift to me and to us could best be summarized, it came down to one thing: herself. She gave of herself. That I have learned is the most concise definition of love.

A Full Ministry
Mary was a women of great faith and prayer. I can never underestimate the power of her prayers but the real power of her life was love. Mary often told me "Love and Forgiveness is a full ministry" and "Love is Healing". With a sixth grade education she knew more about "ministry" than anyone I've ever met. She loved like Jesus. She embodied the life of Christ.

But to me she was "Mom". When I had no mom on this earth, she took me in as a son. I have missed her and I will miss her. I hope my remaining years will honor her love, her faith, her prayers, and her example. I hope and expect that one day I will see her again.

Around a Table

Recently I attended a church service for the first time in a year and a half. My wife and I were visiting another city and so we decided to visit a church we found on-line. Even though the church was small, no one seemed to notice our entrance, so we introduced ourselves to another couple. Service was beginning,  so we quickly took our seats...in the back.

The song service began. The theme  was love with readings from 1st John. Candles and subdued lighting gave it a spiritual "feel". Children were dismissed to children's church. A guest speaker spoke of a Haiti mission and exhorted people to get involved. There was an offering.  Then we were dismissed to have a nice week and go love one another.

Though I found myself resonating with the theology, I realized it was exactly like the church that I left and pretty much like all the churches I had ever attended. A passive congregation....in a box.

I came to see that churches are just another box that people can choose to occupy.... or choose to leave as so many are doing. As I thought about it, I envisioned congregants as hamsters running in wheels with clergy providing pellets of music, oratory, and activities. We are reduced to waiting on pellets. It's an environment that fosters continuing dependence and passivity.

Many things contribute to this environment of dependence.  The centuries-old clergy-led laity model. The physical arrangement itself: clergy on a platform/altar space, often elevated,  facing a congregation that is essentially an audience. By definition, an audience is a passive recipient. Since we face the same way, we don't truly see each other. We remain isolated, unknown, and disengaged. No wonder that people are leaving.

What if we changed the arangement? How would we relate if when we gathered, we faced each other? If we saw each other? Perhaps around a table? It would foster a new relationship, a new dynamic! The Spirit of Christ living in each of us listening, interacting, encouraging, and empowering each other!

That's how it was in the beginning with Jesus and his disciples. They sat around a table. That's how it must be again. The church must adopt a new form which is really its oldest form: a table. We must see each other again. In so doing we will see the Image of God residing in our brother or sister. Then we will be empowered to live out our life in Christ.

Advent - Bridging the Gap Between Us

"Something burns in our hearts that would gladly come out.  Something often flames up in our soul that we would like to call out to all people — a question, a complaint, a word of defiance, a rejoicing, a stark truth — something of the sort that a person simply cannot keep to himself, once it is there.

It saddens us to be so alone, to be unable to share with anyone what moves us....Above all it saddens us that we are so cut off from each other, that there are always such different worlds — you in your house and me in my house, you with your thoughts and me with mine.  This is simply not the way life is meant to be, this separate life we all lead.  But with one single change we could have infinitely more joy and good fortune and righteousness among us, if we could open our hearts and talk with each other." - Karl Barth "To Believe" Advent Meditation 

Karl Barth's Advent meditation illuminates the disconnect we all feel, a fragmentation that becomes particularly acute during the Holidays. Even the prospect of reuniting with family can be overshadowed with dread because of an ongoing rift. We could go to a restaurant or bar by ourselves or even wander into a church. We might be welcomed cordially, because that is what businesses and organizations are supposed to do to. But we really don't expect the relationship to extend beyond that context.

The reality is that most of our relationships derive from utility. We are cordial enough obtain what we need from others. But we cannot, we dare not share our hearts with each other. The fear of rejection and lack of connection are overwhelming. Even though we ought to be of the same heart, we don't believe or trust that we are.

Because of the distance between people, any attempt to nudge us in a certain direction ends up utilizing the psychology of the masses. To our ears, to my ears, it feels like manipulation. Which is exactly what happens in the culture at large.  Marketing. Marketing is how organizations manipulate a mass of people they don't care about. So where we should be a witness over and against the culture we end up being subsumed by it. That is what the culture believes about the church and rarely do we prove it wrong.

The Advent of Christ is the story of God closing that distance. He enters the human condition and shares it with us. The Kingdom of God moves near! We aren't just hearing a story, we are sharing the story!  Christ comes not with a list of demands, but a path that He invited us to share. It is a journey with a common destination. If we find our commonality in Christ, then our differences and distrust should fall away.

So what will we do about this? What would be our response as believers? Perhaps Barth's message can give us some answers:

Believing means that what we listen to, we listen to as God’s speech.  What moves us is not just our own concern, but precisely God’s concern.  What causes me worry, that is God’s worry, what gives me joy is God’s joy, what I hope for is God’s hope.

Imagine if everything were brought into this great and proper connection, if we were willing to suffer, be angry, love and rejoice with God, instead of always wanting to make everything our own private affair, as if we were alone.

Just imagine if we were to adopt everything that gratifies and moves us into the life and movement of God’s kingdom, so that we personally are, so to speak, taken out of play.  Simply love!  Simply hope!  Simply rejoice!  Simply strive!  But in everything, do it no longer from yourself, but rather from God!  Everything great that is hidden in you can indeed be great only in God.

We can choose to speak from faith and not fear.  We can take the leap of faith that God moves us by His Spirit and that His Spirit will resonate in others. We can live in anticipation of finding men and women of peace. We can exercise a faith that generates good will. We can make those choices and bridge the gap of mistrust and hate.

Enamored by the Stones

As Jesus was leaving the temple, one of his disciples said to him, “Look, Teacher! What massive stones! What magnificent buildings!” “Do you see all these great buildings?” replied Jesus. “Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.” - Mark 13:1-2 

In this passage, the disciples are awestruck by the magnificence of Herod's temple in Jerusalem. They were enamored by the stones, some of which were may have been as large as their small-town synagogue. Jesus brings them back to earth by foretelling the temple's demise.

I too have been caught up in the institution of the church: it's history,  it's personalities, and contemporary examples of large (mega) churches. It was hard not be enthusiastic when one is a member of a church with hundreds,  thousands, or even millions of members. It is easy to be caught up in the momentum of a growing church, expanding in numbers and facilities. But with large size comes structures of administration and power. If you attempt to follow Jesus and take Him at His word, sooner or later, you will find yourself in conflict with these power structures.

In my journey I have often heard the argument that an inability to find a place in the institutional church is due to a failure to get along with other believers. It is true that I am flawed as much as anyone else, inside or outside the Institution. The difference is that inside the institution people have places to hide. 

The institution provides many places to hide: the offices, structure, procedures, doctrines, and statements of faith.  These stones and pillars provide places of concealment. Therefore we can remain hidden and not truly known.

The institution also provides a motivation to conform. We ought to be conformed to the image of Christ and His love. Instead we are coerced by the group politic. We fear being rejected, so we play the game. We struggle to manage our appearance, not our heart. 

But Jesus is the temple. (John 2:21). He is our shelter. We find our security in His Kingdom, not in our reputation or office. If we truly believe we are justified in Him, we no longer have manage appearances. We are fully and mutually accepted by each other with all our sins, failures, and weaknesses. We have the courage to be who we really are, sinners whose hope is in Jesus. We no longer need to be pious or to posture. We are free to be, we are free to love, and we are free to be loved.

If in our corporate gathering we cannot or will not do these things, then we are still enamored by the stones. The edifice may look indestructible,  but remember that sand is just stones worn down over time. Let's make sure we don't build our houses on it.

Reflections in the Desert

It's been over a year since I left the institutional church, so I have had time to look back and reflect on the journey. The road has been one of both disappointments and unexpected joys.

Like being in a desert, being outside the institutional church can be a "dry" experience in terms of meeting a large number of people every week. For a time I missed the small talk and coffee. So to keep the tradition of Sunday coffee, my wife and I decided to meet in a coffee shop every Sunday to do a Christian book study and.... drink coffee! Ironically, we've gotten to know the proprietors quite well. The expectation of our presence is at the point where we tell them of our vacations so they won't worry about us.  Other than serving us a confection and a good cup of coffee they don't seem to have any agenda. That's more refreshing than the coffee!

We have discovered that joy comes from encountering Jesus in unexpected places. My wife volunteers and substitute teaches at an at-risk school. I spend time with young men transitioning out of foster care. Over time I have discovered that my heart has become more open in ways that would have never happened in the institution. The change we both notice is that we can be fully present with who ever God places in our path. We can be fully present because we are not physically, emotionally, and financially spent from the demands and controversies of the institution.

We learned that Jesus was where He said he would be all along, among the "least of these". We don't have to look for a weekly religious experience. We can experience God by encountering and engaging people who are made in God's image. We let our light shine by making "invisible" people visible.

It turns out that the "desert" is not devoid of life after all.  It used to look that way as we whizzed by on the highway of packed agendas on the way to the next church meeting. I am so thankful that we have slowed down, gotten out of the car, and found the oasis in the desert!