Footholds

Most of the time we are preoccupied with the daily tasks of life. We go to work, drop our kids off at school, and think about a myriad of tasks and responsibilities. If we have time to ourselves, we usually find distractions, scrolling through social media, news posts, or watching a show. We long for downtime, but settle for distraction. Why? Why do we fear idle time? Because it is a dangerous time. A time to be totally alone in our thoughts. A time to face ourselves and reflect on who we are (or who we are not). We have an existential angst which comes to the surface when we are alone.

We are living beings, intelligent enough to be self-aware, who are aware of our own agency and actions. Mere survival is not enough. Because we have agency, we have a gift, but it is a double-edge sword. We can spiral into ourselves. To avoid this existential plunge into the abyss, we must grab footholds. What are these footholds?

Thankfulness We must recognize our circumstances and benefactors. We must understand that others have poured into us. Parents, teachers, and mentors. We did not, nor could we have, raised ourselves. The moment we think we are self-made, that the world owes us, is the moment we spiral into narcissism, a gateway to the abyss.

Own Our Decisions  We make decisions that have consequences. Some decisions will further our success, while others will lead to failure. We must own our decisions. The moment we start blaming others for our failures is the moment we begin spiraling into perdition.

Face Our Losses  We will all experience gain and loss in life. We will lose places and people. It is an inevitable part of the human experience. We must face those losses and grieve them. But we must not remain mired in grief. We must again face the world with its risks and joys. If we remain withdrawn from the world, we spiral into darkness.

Be Fully Present  We must be fully present to those around us. If we live in the past or in the future, then we are not here, in the present. As a result the people around us become irrelevant, a void in time. String these empty, distracted moments together and they become a continuous void, a path into the abyss.

"So many people have this idea: I want to achieve something great or be somebody great. And they neglect the step that leads to greatness. They don't honor this step at this moment because they have this idea of some future moment where they are going to be great." -Eckhart Tolle

Service/Care for Others  We must care for those around us. When we care for others, we illuminate our souls. If we harden our hearts, ignoring the needs of those around us, we find another path in the abyss.

“Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person”. -Tennessee Williams

Redemption   Redemption allows us to see and reclaim value in disappointments, bad experiences, human weakness, pain, and grief.

"Nothing [no life experience] is wasted" - Patrick Stewart

A redemptive view reclaims value out of what others consider a loss. The only alternative to a redemptive view is a dark nihilism and that is another path into the abyss.

Faith  Too many of us believe we can live without faith in something (or someone) outside ourselves. It seems fashionable these days to live life with no regard for the infinite or eternal.

 “I realized that no one lives without faith, not even the strictest rationalist”- Tolstoy

As a result, the moral elements of religious teaching have been discarded. The Torah teaches that we were made "Image of God". The Catholic Church teaches that human life is sacred and that the "dignity of the human person" is the foundation of a moral vision for society. A purely materialist view is "survival of the fittest" and as we have seen recently and in history, this is a path into the abyss.

Help  We will need help to find these footholds. Recently, solo climbing of Mt Everest was banned because too many people were dying in the attempt to go it alone. The same is true with us. We need help. We need each other, not just at the beginning of our lives, nor at the end, but all along the way. Let's be humble enough and brave enough to reach out for help when we need it and let's be equally humble and generous to provide the help, to be that foothold that someone else is desperately  looking for. 

The Silencers of the Lambs

“Don’t give any of your children to be burned in sacrifice to the god Molech” —Leviticus 18:21

I first wrote this in 2017 after what was then the largest mass shooting event in American history at a concert in Las Vegas where 60 people were killed and over 400 were wounded. Deaths by gunfire continued unabated until in 2020 firearms became the leading cause of death for children under age 19. 

We like to think of ourselves as an advanced, technological society. With smug self-assurance we compare ourselves to primitive cultures, thinking that we have out-grown our ancestors' child-sacrificing ways. But in America, we have not. We continue to sacrifice our children and move on. Sandy Hook proved that. The American idol is the gun, enshrined by our culture, our courts, and the politicians we keep voting for.  

After every mass shooting in this country, the usual platitudes are proffered. Elected officials call for a "moment of silence" along with "thoughts and prayers" for the victims. Government officials will hold a press conference. It happens so often, we have memorized the script. Indeed this "shooting script" has become the liturgy of our American civil religion.

The media will camp out at the crime scene craving any morsel of information. Pundits will endlessly debate as to what motivated the shooter and what signs were missed. They will try to put together a story to make sense of it all, believing that as long as we have a motive, all is well with the world.

The supply chain will eventually be traced. What store were the weapons purchased from? Were the weapons purchased legally?  Did anyone flag the purchase of so many weapons or thousands of rounds of ammo? The insane amount of firepower available to average citizens is almost never questioned.

I thought about how to address this issue. The usual pro and anti gun arguments are well-worn. The sacredness of the second amendment. Registration leads to confiscation. So let me narrow the focus down to the religious of this country, specifically Christians, those who claim Christ as their savior.

I assume that Christians would be familiar with scriptures and the oft repeated imperative to "fear not". Yet how is it that we live in an age of fear, fear of crime, fear of terrorists, fear of government tyranny? It is because we feast on media that traffics in fear and outrage. The need for insane amounts firepower is a response to insane amounts of fear and rage.

If believers in Jesus cannot lay aside their fears, then who can? Jesus told the story of a man who was fully armed to protect himself and his home. Then one day, thieves broke in and overpowered him, leading Jesus to ask, "what became of the arms in which the man trusted?" The answer is obvious; at the critical moment, they were ineffective.

It is my hope that believers can separate themselves from this fear-driven, toxic, paranoid gun culture and see how thoroughly incompatible it is with following Christ. Otherwise we will continue the farce of being a follower of Jesus, pro-life when it comes to the unborn and pro-death when it comes to opposing any restriction on assault weapons.

The Serpent

"Let us consider the first fifty years of our national history. There was never a moment during this time when the slavery issue was not a sleeping serpent. That issue lay coiled up under the table during the deliberations of the Constitutional Convention in 1787."
-- John Jay Chapman

If we were to examine the complete history of our nation, even to the present day, that snake is still present. Even through all our progress to a more egalitarian society, that snake, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, lies coiled and ready to strike.  The toxic venom spewed out during the 2016 presidential campaign is proof of the serpent's enduring presence.

We might protest that in this day and age, in the 21st century, there is no slavery or open racism. But the snake takes many forms and has ways of blending in with its surroundings. It starts with the premise that some people are less than fully human. That there are those who are "three-fifths of other persons" (words written in the Constitution). The devaluation of people. This is the serpent's poison. This devaluation does not limit itself to a historically enslaved race. Any person, of any non-white color, immigrants, women, even white women, can feel the weights on the scales of justice tip against them.  Racism, misogyny, antisemitism, and xenophobia are just camouflaged forms of the same serpent.

I realize I am taking quite a leap to speak about injustice towards people of color, other religions, and women when I am none of these. How can I speak of things I have never experienced? I can't. But I can speak from where I have been. And that place is ignorance.

I have been ignorant of the privilege my gender, my race, and my ethnicity afforded me. I have never had to worry when walking alone, even at night, that someone would try to rape me. I have never had to worry when I was pulled over by police that I was being profiled or that I would be shot if I took my hands off the wheel. I have never had my Midwestern accent questioned nor have I been looked down upon as a "foreigner." I have never been persecuted because of my religion. I have never been profiled at the border because of my color or surname.

I was ignorant of the serpent. I would remain so until I went through a "conversion". It was not an instantaneous process. My conversion was a product of  disillusionment, searching, circumstances, experiencing the humanity of others, and my own choices. At lot of it had to do with my faith journey and how it kept bringing me back to words of Jesus. I became disillusioned with faith communities that had no interest in reaching out beyond their property line. Circumstances in my career had an influence as well. As I met more and more people from other parts of the world I discovered their humanity. Then there were the writings of  Bonhoeffer, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, MLK, Mother Teresa, Victor Hugo, Coates, and Dorothy Day to name a few. Reading their stories and their insight into the heart of God softened my own heart. My work with like-hearted people and young men in a mission endeavor has opened my heart even more.

I have learned that the serpent sees vulnerability in our fears. Our fears are many: security, job, health, crime, and terrorism. The serpent knows these issues provoke our primal instincts. He knows where to strike. The serpent also knows the questions that lead us to doubt: "Did God really say?" But we can also remember these words: "Fear Not!", "perfect love casts out fear", and "love one another". Once I let my heart open up to the words of Christ, compassion towards others followed. Love overcame fear! I became willing to risk for others. I learned that the love of God is the only cure for the venom of the serpent.

Mom - A Son-in-Law's Memories

Mary Zissimos (Koutrompi) 1924-2016

I met my future mother-in-law Mary at an after-church social at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlour.  It was a young singles gathering, but for me it was a opportunity. You see I had my eye on a girl. Mary was there because she was riding with her daughter. Mary fit right in even though everyone around her was a generation younger.

One thing led to another and soon I married her daughter. I gained not only a wife, but a "mom" in every sense of the word. She loved me as her very own. At times I would object saying "Mom, I am just your son-in-law". No matter.  Her answer was always the same. She would tell me that I was her child in every sense except for giving birth.

I Make You Lamb
I occasionally stopped by without the family. Just because. With Mary you didn't need a reason. On one particular visit she said "l make you Lamb". It was 8 pm. I said "Mom, I ate already."  No matter. Try telling a Greek mom you aren't hungry.  So in that summer evening twilight, mom fired up the the barbecue and made me lamb chops.

Kitchen Coffee
Sometimes my father-in-law would be out when I dropped by, so Mom and I sat at the kitchen table and shared pleasant conversation. She was always encouraging. That's probably why I liked to stop by. I remember how often our conversations revolved around scripture and nearly always ended with prayer.

Forthright.
She spoke her mind. Without fear. With love. I had to learn to receive her words in that spirit. I realized later that she spoke her mind out of love. She was a warrior for reconciliation. Anyone who really knew her, knew that was her heart.

Prayer Warrior
Mom was also a prayer warrior.  To know Mary was to know she was praying for you. If you came to her for counsel, as many did, it was a certainty that you could not leave without being prayed for. If you were sick, she would anoint you with oil.

Battling Lions
When my oldest son was 5, we went to see his first Lions game. On the way out, Mom reminded us not to leave without prayer. So we prayed together and set out for the old Silverdome in Pontiac. While we waited in the cold at the outdoor ticket booths, a man asked us, "just you and your son?". I said "yes". He said here are your tickets. 12th row, 50 yard line as I recall. Perhaps she should have prayed that the Lions could actually win.

Trips with Mom
We took Mom and Dad (my father-in-law) on many trips: Mackinac, Niagara Falls, Canada's Wonderland, Marineland, Cedar Point to name a few. Mom was always agreeable. Regardless of the accommodations and food, Mom was always thankful.

In 1992 we took the entire family out West. There were six of us in packed into a minivan. While driving from Utah to Yellowstone, we had gotten lost,  so we were driving late at night on mountain roads with the only light being our headlights and animal eyeballs. Of course, Mom was in the back praying that I didn't fall asleep, drive off a cliff, or hit a buffalo. Mom's prayers were answered. At midnight we arrived safely at our destination.

Bible Study
For many years she held a bible study and prayer meeting at her house.  People came from all over to be prayed for, anointed with oil. She was an 'elder' without a title, a salary, or an office. Pastors of  churches sought her for prayer and counsel.

Mary's Gift
As I think about what Mary left behind, how her gift to me and to us could best be summarized, it came down to one thing: herself. She gave of herself. That I have learned is the most concise definition of love.

A Full Ministry
Mary was a women of great faith and prayer. I can never underestimate the power of her prayers but the real power of her life was love. Mary often told me "Love and Forgiveness is a full ministry" and "Love is Healing". With a sixth grade education she knew more about "ministry" than anyone I've ever met. She loved like Jesus. She embodied the life of Christ.

But to me she was "Mom". When I had no mom on this earth, she took me in as a son. I have missed her and I will miss her. I hope my remaining years will honor her love, her faith, her prayers, and her example. I hope and expect that one day I will see her again.