Advent - Bridging the Gap Between Us

"Something burns in our hearts that would gladly come out.  Something often flames up in our soul that we would like to call out to all people — a question, a complaint, a word of defiance, a rejoicing, a stark truth — something of the sort that a person simply cannot keep to himself, once it is there.

It saddens us to be so alone, to be unable to share with anyone what moves us....Above all it saddens us that we are so cut off from each other, that there are always such different worlds — you in your house and me in my house, you with your thoughts and me with mine.  This is simply not the way life is meant to be, this separate life we all lead.  But with one single change we could have infinitely more joy and good fortune and righteousness among us, if we could open our hearts and talk with each other." - Karl Barth "To Believe" Advent Meditation 

Karl Barth's Advent meditation illuminates the disconnect we all feel, a fragmentation that becomes particularly acute during the Holidays. Even the prospect of reuniting with family can be overshadowed with dread because of an ongoing rift. We could go to a restaurant or bar by ourselves or even wander into a church. We might be welcomed cordially, because that is what businesses and organizations are supposed to do to. But we really don't expect the relationship to extend beyond that context.

The reality is that most of our relationships derive from utility. We are cordial enough obtain what we need from others. But we cannot, we dare not share our hearts with each other. The fear of rejection and lack of connection are overwhelming. Even though we ought to be of the same heart, we don't believe or trust that we are.

Because of the distance between people, any attempt to nudge us in a certain direction ends up utilizing the psychology of the masses. To our ears, to my ears, it feels like manipulation. Which is exactly what happens in the culture at large.  Marketing. Marketing is how organizations manipulate a mass of people they don't care about. So where we should be a witness over and against the culture we end up being subsumed by it. That is what the culture believes about the church and rarely do we prove it wrong.

The Advent of Christ is the story of God closing that distance. He enters the human condition and shares it with us. The Kingdom of God moves near! We aren't just hearing a story, we are sharing the story!  Christ comes not with a list of demands, but a path that He invited us to share. It is a journey with a common destination. If we find our commonality in Christ, then our differences and distrust should fall away.

So what will we do about this? What would be our response as believers? Perhaps Barth's message can give us some answers:

Believing means that what we listen to, we listen to as God’s speech.  What moves us is not just our own concern, but precisely God’s concern.  What causes me worry, that is God’s worry, what gives me joy is God’s joy, what I hope for is God’s hope.

Imagine if everything were brought into this great and proper connection, if we were willing to suffer, be angry, love and rejoice with God, instead of always wanting to make everything our own private affair, as if we were alone.

Just imagine if we were to adopt everything that gratifies and moves us into the life and movement of God’s kingdom, so that we personally are, so to speak, taken out of play.  Simply love!  Simply hope!  Simply rejoice!  Simply strive!  But in everything, do it no longer from yourself, but rather from God!  Everything great that is hidden in you can indeed be great only in God.

We can choose to speak from faith and not fear.  We can take the leap of faith that God moves us by His Spirit and that His Spirit will resonate in others. We can live in anticipation of finding men and women of peace. We can exercise a faith that generates good will. We can make those choices and bridge the gap of mistrust and hate.

Marriage Thoughts

While some people defer or avoid marriage and others demanding recognition for their unions, the occasion of our thirty-third wedding anniversary seemed like a good time to weigh in on the topic. So what have we learned these last 33 years?

Marriage is about a lot things: love, unconditional acceptance, being welcomed home, and building a family. Marriage means sharing milestones: births, graduations, marriages, and ultimately an empty nest. Marriage means supporting each other through difficult times. It means journeying through the illness and loss of family members. Marriage is sharing life with all its joys and sorrows.

So what have we learned about having the best possible marriage?

The first thing, the most important thing is to see the image of God in your spouse. Once you see your spouse  as a unique creation of God, with unique passions and abilities, you learn to appreciate them and the gift of God that they are to you. From that appreciation derives love and respect. It all has to start there.

The second thing is to give one hundred percent.....not fifty percent. There can  be no yellow lines or tape dividing off portions of ones' life from their spouse. Our finances are jointly held as is our home. We accept the fact that we will each be in different states of employment at different times. We split the mundane tasks of housekeeping. If you know your spouse likes a clean house, then take the initiative to keep it that way. Love your spouse's family as if they were your own.....they are now

The third thing is to give your spouse is trust. We both have access to each others' bank accounts. While we don't routinely snoop on each others' computers and phones, I have no problem asking my spouse to look something up on my phone or e-mail.

The fourth thing is to give your spouse is space. Encourage and empower your spouse to pursue their goals and dreams. Encourage and support their individual relationships. You cannot be a support for everything they are going through and will go through. Be wise enough to know your limits.

The fifth thing is to be united against divisive forces. Argue in private, but be united in public. Never let anyone, friend or family, sow a seed of discord between you.  The bottom line has to be, "Don't make me choose between my spouse and you because if you force the issue, you will lose."

The sixth thing is to is challenge each other. Through each other we become acquainted with ourselves. We need encouragement to become our better selves. Instead of playing off each others' weaknesses and mutually enabling stagnation, we need to build each others' strengths and encourage growth in every area of life.

The seventh thing is to see marriage as a journey through life that you take together with another person. We have to see our life and our lives together as a journey with a purpose. The problem is most of the time we don't know what that purpose is. It does not even occur to us that as individuals or as a married couple that we even have a purpose. Perhaps it is better to redefine "purpose" as "meaning." Viktor Frankl said, "our meaning in life is found as we help others find their meaning in life.

Finally, love each other. It may seem obvious, but what does does it mean...."love each other?" St. Paul tells us: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."